So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
