Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
