it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize