Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
