she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize