i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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