Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
