literally had 100 drinks last night.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
