Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
