I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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