You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
