i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
