don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
