I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
