So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
