Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
