dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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