I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
