Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
