Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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