you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
