While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
