YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize