I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
