i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
