I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
