somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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