Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
