Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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