Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
