We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
