im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
