chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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