i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
