i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize