I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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