i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
