...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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