When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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