You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The power of my boobs compel you
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
