the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have fence marks all over my body
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
