My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
