it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
