Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
