I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
