I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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