Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i think my cat just said my name.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
