I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize