Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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