I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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