...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
