did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
