Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
