How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize