Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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