I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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