I CAN MOONWALK!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
