those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
