In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
