he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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