Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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