READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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