I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
