youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
