He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
