Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize