Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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