fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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