love makes seman taste better
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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