Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
