hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just gargled with NyQuil
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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