I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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