Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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