It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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