I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
