he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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