I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
