There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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