i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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