She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
