ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
