It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
