Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
