i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have aggressive nipples.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
