guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you made out with another girl for some wings
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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