I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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