Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize