By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
