You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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