did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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