I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You're so nebulous sometimes
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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