I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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