If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize