I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
