just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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