K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
