I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
