why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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