guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
