You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize